Mutiny of the bountiful: Wall Street pirates at Goldman yearn to buy their freedom
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And thanks to their revelation that their bounty so far this year is higher than anyone predicted — "stronger-than-expected first-quarter earnings of $1.81 billion," the Wall Street Journal notes, they're about to get their wish.
Everyone's focused this morning on yesterday's 8-K earnings report from Goldman and on how it seems to be raising all other boats on the markets' rough seas, but the firm's annual report last week provides the best look at the future of these pirates.
It's considerably brighter, of course, than the future of Somali pirates, whose ideology is also strictly business, despite propaganda to the contrary.
No annual report has been filed by the Somali pirates. But the Goldman pirates' report couldn't be rosier.
After looting the government last fall for $10 billion in TARP funds — thanks to a rescue of big banks (except for rival Lehman) arranged by bailout czar and ex-Goldman CEO Henry Paulson — Goldman wants to pay the money back ASAP so it can resume paying its execs their previously exorbitant bonuses, salaries, and perks.
Yes, its share price plummeted last year, but it spent even more on lobbying. And yes, Goldman had its critics, but now the firm has dispatched a crew of lawyers to hunt down those blackguard bloggers.
OK, so the government is probing whether Goldman and other big banks cooked their books to get bailout money. All the more reason for Goldman's buccaneers to try to escape from the "clutches" of the government — the WSJ used the word "clutches" twice in one story this morning.
The horizon is clear, especially now that Goldman has recast itself as a bank-holding company with all the regular banking services that allows. As the annual report says:
Unfurl the mainsail!
As Goldman's swashbucklers sail off in search of other fortune, Chairman and CEO Lloyd Blankfein and President and COO Gary Cohn leave us with a glimpse of how they struggled through the past year's trying times. They carry the unlikely pirate names of "Lloyd" and "Gary," but their message rings loud and clear from the annual report's poop deck:
Over the course of the year, both of us made it a point to spend more time walking the floors. Our people, junior to senior, were not hesitant to offer their insights, thoughts and ideas.
Our people care deeply about the firm and exhibit a real sense of ownership. They know that clients are contending with difficult economic and financial pressures and, through it all, our people maintained a rigorous client focus. We have never been prouder to be a part of this team.
The ship is righted, so carry on, me maties!
