Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein says he's doing "God's work." He probably is, considering God's dark sense of humor.

Don't rely on second-hand reports of this revelation about Blankfein's true calling as leader of the bank that shagged us. See the Sunday Times (U.K.) profile of Blankfein, "I'm doing 'God's work.' Meet Mr. Goldman Sachs," by John Arlidge. A terrific piece. Nothing much new, but it might give you some insight about exactly why you're either so jealous of or pissed off at schnooks like Blankfein.

Here's the paragraph in question:

My personal favorite graf from Arlidge's breezy description of life inside Goldman's HQ:

Quick roundup in the WSJ Deal Journal by Michael Corkery about Goldman Sachs's great week:

• Lusting after cheapo Fannie Mae housing tax credits so it can offset its taxes and perform its required community-reinvestment duties without creating new affordable housing.

• Scoring swine flu vaccine at a higher rate that Memorial Sloan-fucking-Kettering Cancer Center, for Christ's sake. And getting the vaccine while kids around the nation are told there's no vaccine to be had.

Morgan Stanley CFO Colm Kelleher somehow kept a straight face when he told a Dow Jones Newswire reporter, "We always said 2009 was a year of transition, and what you're getting is a validation of that."

Translation from Streetspeak: "Year of transition" means "business as usual" and "validation" means "profits so big I think I'm going to shit myself."

The WSJ story on this matter notes that Morgan Stanley's risk-taking is paying off, just as it already been at Goldman Sachs. Morgan's just now trying to catch up, being slow on the profit uptake during this year's market rally. Nevertheless, as DJN's Gabriella Stern points out:

The irrepressible overseas TV talking head Max Keiser, who has called the derivatives market "a pyramid of faulty nothingness," rips Goldman Sachs a new one. Unless you're a regular viewer of France24, you haven't heard this. So click above to hear him label Goldman "scum" and note that it has "co-opted the U.S. government."

Big Merger Deals Signal Restored Confidence (NYT)

N.Y. Poverty Data Paint Mixed Picture (NYT)

Actually, the same grim picture with a desperate attempt to paint at least a faint smile on it.

Deals Drive Push Back Into Stocks (WSJ)

"The Dow industrials rose 124 points and are on course for the best quarter since 1998 amid a burst of deals and analyst upgrades."

Obama Enters Olympics Race (WSJ)

Going to Denmark this week to use his charm to try to get the costly Olympics in Chicago in 2016.

Exelon to Quit Chamber Over Climate Bill (NYT)

"The carbon-based free lunch is over," says the CEO of one of the nation's biggest utilities, rebelling against the U.S. Chamber of Commerce's head-in-sand stance against global-warming legislation.

Sex Drive Boosted by Testosterone Spray, Study Says (Bloomberg)

Bailout of Wall Street execs gets personal: Aussie drug company Acrux will ask FDA to let it sell Axiron, an underarm spray that boosts testosterone. Global markets for testosterone treatments, story says, is $1 billion a year and has risen up, up, up by more than 20 percent in the U.S. Meanwhile, "U.S. Drug Companies Chase Vaccines," WSJ says of impending flu profits.

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Disney Nabs Marvel Heroes (WSJ)

The L.A. Times, in its very first paragraph of a hometown big-news story, calls Disney's conquest of Marvel's superheroes a "reinvention" — no wonder that readers are flocking away from dull daily newspapers. Much better, as usual, is the Wall Street Journal's take: "By bringing in macho types such as Iron Man, Thor and Captain America, the Marvel deal would expand Disney's audience, adding properties that appeal to boys from their preteen years into young adulthood. That demographic group hasn't been swept up by Disney's recent hot properties, such as High School Musical and the Jonas Brothers." Marvel becomes a Mickey Mouse operation as Disney tries to jump-start flagging DVD sales. The film industry is in deep trouble from all sorts of Web-based diversions, and the WSJ sees more consolidation in Hollywood. Meanwhile, Disney's Bob Iger sounds like a pedophile: "We view this as an opportunity to attract more boys and older kids." The Big Money's Chadwick Matlin spoofs "Exclusive Disney-Marvel Synergy Memo." Click on video above (or here) for Disney's subliminal messages.

The Systemic Threat Posed by Megabanks (Felix Salmon, Reuters)

Riffing on David Cho's scary story last weekend in the Washington Post, "Banks 'Too Big to Fail' Have Grown Even Bigger," Salmon urges that someone has to force Wells Fargo, JP Morgan Chase, and BofA "to start shrinking today."

Take the 'L' Out of LBO (Reuters, Matthew Goldstein)

"In a perfect world, we would simply ban leveraged buyouts. The vast majority of these debt-laden corporate takeovers are no less predatory and value-destroying to a company than a loan shark who charges usurious rates of interest." However, it's an imperfect world, so why not force private equity buyers "to pony up at least 50 percent of the purchase price"?

Is a Crash Impending? (Seeking Alpha, Karl Denninger)

Sounding like Jeremiah, Denninger warns that "the market is currently being levitated on literal trash."

TARP Repayments: Media Continues to Trumpet Unjustified Positive Economic Spin (Seeking Alpha, Kid Dynamite)

Puts the lie to current spin. With links. Behind all this is that sharks are using corporate welfare to churn shitty banks, and that's not going to accomplish anything but profits for individual sharks. His conclusion: "Recognize bad debt instead of continuing to pretend it will work itself out eventually. Stop funding insolvent institutions and use those funds to seed new, healthy banks instead."

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Key Feature Of Obama Health Plan May Be Out (WashPost)

"White House may be willing to jettison a controversial government-run insurance plan favored by liberals."

Citigroup May Shift Phibro Trader Hall's Pay to Stock From Cash (Bloomberg)

Regular investors don't think much of Citigroup stock right now (it fell 3.9 percent this morning in early NY trading), and energy trader Andy Hall got $100 million last year, so why should he do this? Traders like Hall don't have to disclose their compensation and don't fall under the aegis of pay czar Ken Feinberg, so the feds may have to send some leg-breakers to Hall's mansion.

Thick Fashion Magazines Are So Last Year (WSJ)

Advertisers not only suddenly frugal but also increasingly turning to the Web. Uh-oh. The Internet virus is spreading from the newspaper industry (which started to waste away before the recession) to the slicks.

A Detailed Look At The Stratified U.S. Consumer (Zero Hedge, Tyler Durden)

Extremely long and extremely interesting analysis of why most of you are fucked.

Wall Street Stimulus Buoys Continental Airlines, Prudential, Goldman Sachs (Bloomberg)

The S&P 500 "has soared 48 percent since it reached a 13-year low on March 9." That says something about the manic-depressive economy. Read the rest of this overview by Michael J. Moore. Goldman's equities revenue was up 59 percent over the first quarter, Wall Street firms have raked in $4.2 billion in underwriting fees because of all the action. The rally bolsters confidence in companies "that cater to wealthy and corporate clients." But, speaking of manic-depression, see this WSJ story: "After Dow's 42% Run, Roadblocks Looming." Lithium may be indicated.

Death of a Rally (Seeking Alpha, Alan Brochstein)

"It's easier to call the economy than stocks, and the economy has been experiencing a dead-cat bounce. I have some charts that I looked at recently, and I think that the likelihood of a normal post-recession bounce is very low."

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John Paulson, who made billions last year by hiring Alan Greenspan as a consultant and betting that the U.S. housing market would collapse, snapped up huge chunks of Bank of America and Goldman Sachs in the second quarter, Bloomberg reports. The WSJ notes that Paulson also bought other banks, but Bloomberg has more detail on other purchases by Paulson: He bought lots of drugs, gold, and computer stuff. If you had earned $2.5 billion last year, you would too.

Comparison with Barry Bonds after the jump.

Goldman Sachs is setting records, but it's a broken record: The Street's big daddy has "reached all-time highs" in revenue "less than a year after the firm took $10 billion in U.S. rescue funds," as Bloomberg puts it.

That's the real news — or it is for people with short memories: See "The bank that shagged us: Bailout recipient Goldman Sachs now rakes in record sacks of gold," May 6. But the news that's going to piss off people and lead to a lot of bloviating by pols is the totally expected development that Goldman's execs are putting aside a record amount for their own bonuses and pay:

Time to go back and read Matt Taibbi's screed on Goldman-as-vampire-squid.

Taibbi's not the only one who's tried to kick Goldman in the tentacles. Everyone knows by now that the Obama administration is simply crawling with ex-Goldmanites ("Geithner's inner circle jerks," April 28) and that the big firm has been spending big on pols even when it supposedly was hurting ("Lobbying by Goldman Sachs soared in 2008 while its stock plummeted and it raked in bailout money," April 9)

As usual, Eliot Spitzer makes sense about the economy. If he hadn't fucked his own career, he'd be a valuable resource right now. Albany would never have blown up the way it has, if Spitzer were still governor. And unlike David Paterson, Spitzer understands Wall Street and knows how to point out schnooks.

If only Spitzer had kept his finger out of prostitutes and left it on the public pulse. Here he is talking earlier this morning on Bloomberg about public perception of Goldman's expected record haul: