Toward a Perfect Vagina: Cutting-Edge Operations Another Boost to Burgeoning Cosmetic-Surgery Industry

The quest for the "perfect vagina" — the growing trend of labial surgery — is fraught with peril, according to a new report in a British medical journal.

But the increasingly popular surgery (the 2008 video above has been viewed 3 million times), which clips flesh for a neater (and critics say "more pubescent") look down there, is yet another boon to the $30 billion cosmetic-surgery industry.

Bumpin' Booty: Bernie Madoff's Ponzi-Fueled Sex and Cocaine Parties

Cocaine! Shiksas! Oy! Put yourself in Bernie Madoff's office space. See page 47 of the new amended complaint in Wexler v. Tremont.

When Bernie Madoff wasn't slapping on his yarmulke to go rip off fellow Jews, he was using their money to slap the bare asses of shiksa strippers and escorts and fill his nose with cocaine. Right there in his offices in the Lipstick Building. And he was letting his feeder-fund pals into the fun.

Shiksas gone wild! No wonder the guy didn't make a single trade. He didn't have time. That's the story in court papers filed just yesterday in the monumental Wexler case against the Ponzi schemer.

Check out the new filings in the New York state court case, Wexler v. Tremont Partners. It's free reading, but you have jump through some hoops. Start here, use this case number, 101615/2009, and go to the October 20 amended complaint.

Watch Letterman's Big Swinging Shtick In Action. You'll Love It, Unless You've Already Been On His Staff.

Sometimes, like in the case of David Letterman, hubris is a good thing. At least Letterman hasn't caused the economy to crash, as those hubristic Wall Street goniffs's egos did.

For a successful extortion, see the case of Nevada Senator John Ensign, whose tit-for-tat deal with an aide went like this: Ensign fucked the aide's wife. When that became public, the aide quit. Then Ensign pulled strings to set the aide up in a great lobbying gig. The aide knew exactly what was happening: a quim pro quo deal.

Letterman Extorts Huge Ratings, Keeps his $30 Million Salary Intact

David Letterman made the right business decision last night, although not necessarily the correct one, when the $30-million-a-year TV host exposed an alleged extortion attempt in front of astonished and immediately sympathetic viewers on his TV show. A person tried to blackmail Letterman — he says — because he screwed female staffers.

Several good screwings deserved another, the alleged extortionist (who supposedly threatened to write a screenplay) must have thought, if the story's true.

Letterman didn't do what could have been the correct thing: Pay the money. The guy does, after all, make at least that $30 million a year — even more than the Yankees' Alex Rodriguez, and Letterman's much more lovable.

On the other hand, once you pay a blackmailer, the extortion may never stop. Just ask Michael Jackson — if you pry him off little boys wherever he is now.

Instead, Letterman did the smart thing. The only possibly bad decision Letterman made was to have sex with staffers, any one of whom could have written a tell-all, unless he arranged a nondisclosure agreement, which he probably didn't. That's what you get when you foul your own nest instead of going elsewhere for your poontang.

In a business sense, Letterman handled it brilliantly. Fucking employees (unless they're fellow execs) is standard business practice, whether or not sex is involved. But this was the smartest bailout in at least the past year, and Letterman did it himself, with no boost from taxpayers. He used the alleged extortion attempt as a shtick on his show last night. He wound up admitting that he fucked staffers. He garnered really high ratings during a sweep period, making his bosses deliriously happy because their franchise is also intact. He told his audience: "I want to reiterate how terrifying this moment was . . . was I going to get a tap on the shoulder? I am motivated by nothing but guilt." And he earned admiring headlines, like "Letterman creates brilliant hour of TV from woes."

Beautiful. Bill Clinton should have done the same thing, instead of lying about having sex with "that woman."

Mounting Pressure on Yaz

If you're still taking Yaz after the above skinback commercial that has been running for months under pressure from the FDA, you could very well be out of your fucking mind.

Why bring up this ubiquitous, obnoxious, highly strange danger-danger $20 million skinback-ad campaign?

Because Yaz, the nation's most popular birth-control pill, is under mounting pressure. Just a few days ago, the NYT's "Health Concerns Over Popular Contraceptives" belied its bland headline by pointing out some really scary shit about the stuff. Also see this meaty story from "Yaz Faces Swiss Probe Following User's Sudden Death."

This A.M.: Markets Rise Toward Record; Winnie the Pooh Goes Online; Underarm Spray for Sex Drive Revealed

Big Merger Deals Signal Restored Confidence (NYT)

N.Y. Poverty Data Paint Mixed Picture (NYT)

Actually, the same grim picture with a desperate attempt to paint at least a faint smile on it.

Deals Drive Push Back Into Stocks (WSJ)

"The Dow industrials rose 124 points and are on course for the best quarter since 1998 amid a burst of deals and analyst upgrades."

Obama Enters Olympics Race (WSJ)

Going to Denmark this week to use his charm to try to get the costly Olympics in Chicago in 2016.

Exelon to Quit Chamber Over Climate Bill (NYT)

"The carbon-based free lunch is over," says the CEO of one of the nation's biggest utilities, rebelling against the U.S. Chamber of Commerce's head-in-sand stance against global-warming legislation.

Sex Drive Boosted by Testosterone Spray, Study Says (Bloomberg)

Bailout of Wall Street execs gets personal: Aussie drug company Acrux will ask FDA to let it sell Axiron, an underarm spray that boosts testosterone. Global markets for testosterone treatments, story says, is $1 billion a year and has risen up, up, up by more than 20 percent in the U.S. Meanwhile, "U.S. Drug Companies Chase Vaccines," WSJ says of impending flu profits.


Lists of Most Powerful Women? Little More Than Segregation.

You could call it a series of feel-good events: lists and "summits" of the world's most powerful and best-paid women. Forbes did it, Fortune did it, Bloomberg promoted the Forbes list, Warren Buffett spoke at a "women's summit" and so on.

This stuff just compares women with women, marginalizes women, and ultimately keeps them down by placing them in an artificially separate category.

It's difficult enough for women to be paid as much as men (which they aren't) and to have an equal shot at attaining power. Giving them a separate list is condescending and irrelevant. It's like the Negro League and the major leagues. Not to mention that the business press regularly ignores most women execs (except when writing about them as women execs) and focuses on the testosterone-laced guys.

In any case, how many average Americans know who Safra Catz is? In Fortune's eyes, she's the top-paid female exec and the 12th most powerful woman. Catz is the president of Oracle and her 2008 compensation totaled $42.4 million. Check out the list of the 25 highest-paid corporate women and compare it with the list of the 25 highest-paid men. Catz made $42.4 million, and the No. 1 guy, Aubrey McClendon, chief of Chesapeake Energy, raked in $112.5 million. If I were Safra Catz, I'd be pissed off.

Then there's Kraft CEO Irene Rosenfeld, who's directing the assault on Cadbury. Not exactly a household name, Rosenfeld would be if much of the business press didn't have blinders on when it comes to female execs.

At least the Forbes "Top 100 Most Powerful Women" list includes politicians and so on, which means the likes of Angela Merkel, chief of the world's fourth-largest economy, make it. But, talk about segregation. The staffers who put together that list are entirely, 100 percent all women. Aren't we past Helen Reddy yet? That aside, it's an interesting list.

Most of these other lists, the ones focused only on the business world, are just identity politics and identity business, and luckily it's just a phase the world has to go through on the way to equal opportunity. Maybe.

We've Touched Bottom: Mobile Pole-Dancing on Manhattan Streets

See more photos at the Awl.

A tip of the thong to Ad Age for pointing us to this promo for The Ultimate Pole Dance Competition.

Little Big Man: The Tail of Bernie Madoff

Trying to distract yourself from the Great Recession, there's always Bad Idea's Madoff Dynamite In Sack Despite ADHD, Small Penis, the headline itself exemplifying yet another case of too-little-too-late for the ailing daily-newspaper industry.

Just when the New York Times dares to get clever and subtle and all double-entendre with a headline — this morning's "A Bit Player Emerges in Madoff Affair" — web sites like Bad Idea (which brags of offering "young journalism") have already moved on to being obvious as hell in their headlines in order to attract page views from ADHD readers. (See my own "Who's Fucked More Jews? Bernie Madoff or Joan Rivers?")

The NY Daily News, far behind its rival tabloid Post in headline pizzazz, regularly uses full names of people in its online heads, hoping to attract those Google search spiders and increase page views. Hence this morning's Snooze hed: "Bernie Madoff's revealed shortcomings a classic example of sweet revenge."

Even Bloomberg, which is serious but all-electronic, gets it — "Madoff Lover Stuck With Him Because of His Tenderness, Her Lust" — squeezing in that key headline word "lust" (rarely used by Bloomberg headline writers) for all those one-handed Google-searchers not usually interested in business news.

The press of course can't be blamed for blaring the Madoff saga, especially now that the sex angle has penetrated the money angle. But enough already. We already have too many mental images of Bernie Madoff having sex.

If you want to re-focus on the money angle, your best bet is to go back to Monday's "Confidence Man: Early attempts to understand a swindler — and follow the money," the WSJ's review of recent books about the goniff.

Rough trade: Steamy insider tale starts with S-E-X and ends with S-E-C

Great piece in this morning's WSJ, "Insider Affair: An SEC Trial of the Heart," on how an Ernst & Young partner, James Gansman, wound up convicted of securities fraud in an insider-trading case.

All Gansman was looking for was a little illicit sex. He got much, much more. The WSJ's Dennis Berman read the transcripts of Gansman's little-publicized trial this past spring. The result is a must-read tale of hubris.