Big Merger Deals Signal Restored Confidence (NYT)

N.Y. Poverty Data Paint Mixed Picture (NYT)

Actually, the same grim picture with a desperate attempt to paint at least a faint smile on it.

Deals Drive Push Back Into Stocks (WSJ)

"The Dow industrials rose 124 points and are on course for the best quarter since 1998 amid a burst of deals and analyst upgrades."

Obama Enters Olympics Race (WSJ)

Going to Denmark this week to use his charm to try to get the costly Olympics in Chicago in 2016.

Exelon to Quit Chamber Over Climate Bill (NYT)

"The carbon-based free lunch is over," says the CEO of one of the nation's biggest utilities, rebelling against the U.S. Chamber of Commerce's head-in-sand stance against global-warming legislation.

Sex Drive Boosted by Testosterone Spray, Study Says (Bloomberg)

Bailout of Wall Street execs gets personal: Aussie drug company Acrux will ask FDA to let it sell Axiron, an underarm spray that boosts testosterone. Global markets for testosterone treatments, story says, is $1 billion a year and has risen up, up, up by more than 20 percent in the U.S. Meanwhile, "U.S. Drug Companies Chase Vaccines," WSJ says of impending flu profits.

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Delaware's Betting Plan Ruled Out By Appeals Court (Gambling Compliance)

The state that already allows corporations to gamble like crazy with little regulation is eager to offer sports betting on single games, starting Sept. 1 (to plug budget gaps), but the Third Circuit Court of Appeals says no. The major sports leagues and the NCAA had sued Delaware to stop it. So for now, all bets are off: The sports gambling stays in Vegas and the rest of Nevada and nowhere else. (Las Vegas Review-Journal story here.)

Global markets not surprised by Bernanke's reappointment (MarketWatch)

Did anyone really think that President Barack Obama wouldn't reappoint the Fed chairman? Especially now that Wall Street has declared that major combat operations against the Great Recession are over? The markets barely reacted to the news; they would have freaked if he weren't reappointed. Salon's "Ben Bernanke gets to clean up his mess" recalls Nouriel Roubini's nuanced assessment of Bernanke's performance. For harsher criticism of Bernanke, go back to Anna Jacobson Schwartz's "Man Without a Plan."

Bureau of Prisons Denies Madoff Has Cancer (NYT)

Contradicts yesterday's NY Post story. We can agree, however, that his scheme was a cancer.

Great headline by Post, but story's just a couple of paragraphs. See the actual story: the National Geographic's "Women With High Testosterone Take Financial Risks." Based on a highly spurious study of MBA students, but Wall Street's overwhelmingly male bankers can now claim that the meltdown was drug-induced and not really their fault.

Jobs, Back at Apple, Focuses on New Tablet (WSJ)

Battling back from a liver transplant, Moses returns to scale the mountain and deliver a new tablet to the faithful. The touch-screen device he's working on could be as revolutionary as the laptop was.

Chart Watchers Think This Bull Can Keep Running (WSJ)

Wall Street's wonks report that the strength of the market is "widespread." Times (U.K.): "Shares ride biggest rally for 50 years as investors bet on a rapid recovery."

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Though most of the press is no longer referring to Allen Stanford as "Sir Allen," the guy is still acting as if he were royalty.

Faced with an SEC probe, the Texan once knighted by Antigua and later captured in Virginia sends his regrets. He declines to participate in this particular gala, the Wall Street Journal reports. The accused mini-Madoff probably thinks it's nothing more than a lynching party, and he's right.

And what's probably worse in his mind, he's been dropped from the latest Forbes list of billionaires because those who keep tabs have decided that his assets are probably illusory. The Houston Chronicle says:

But you don't have to refrain from sympathizing with the real billionaires. The Chronicle says:

That's more respect from the press than Stanford and his court-appointed receiver are showing for the guy's 1,000 serfs: They've already been hung out to dry. They've not only all been canned, but thanks to that slippery snake Stanford they can't even get COBRA, the Chronicle reports:

Now that Stanford's fairy-tale parties are over, his former employees have been turned into pumpkins and squashed as if they were props at a Gallagher show (video) — the situation's just about as unfunny. Some details regarding the future of those employees already let go:

Whereas Stanford might want to purchase some more life insurance.

"Sir Allen" Stanford's favorite sports seem to be cricket and polo, but chess is what he's been playing with investors and investigators, and he's just been checkmated.

The lamster billionaire, seen above in happier days with Antigua P.M. Baldwin Spencer, was found yesterday in Virginia, and the FBI served papers on him from the SEC complaint accusing him of being a massive fraudster.

So, the Texas huckster who made himself a knight by virtually purchasing the tiny isle of Antigua and is accused of rooking people out of billions is now about to lose his Florida castle (and his $100 million jet fleet).

After years of getting his butt kissed by all manner of TV anchors and other sycophants, Stanford's game-playing days are probably over, but he had a lot to play with: "Stanford Had Planes, Castle and Island, Court Papers Show"

The cricket world's happy: "Allen Stanford debacle confirms sport is a whore."

Antigua's 70,000 citizens are angry: "On Antigua, Frustrated Stanford Account Holders Gather."

The SEC's finally on his ass: "SEC Charges R. Allen Stanford in Multi-Billion Dollar Investment Scheme." (Read the complaint here, and see Muckety's interactive chart of Stanford's sticky web.)

Now can we stop calling this guy "Sir Allen"? Jeez.

Please note the above CNBC video interview of lamster billionaire Allen Stanford from 2008.

Even if Stanford were legit, he wouldn't merit this treatment.

On the other hand, by treating Stanford as a fuckin' Nostradamus, the anchor does elicit this memorable quote from the billionaire:

Too right, Sir Allen. A bit of a sticky wicket.

The Stanford scam has bank customers wondering where the hell their money went, but there's even more drama, because Stanford is on the lam.

If the Stanford saga gets any more dramatic, it'll push the Bernie Madoff scam off the home page. Bernie's also being hounded globally, but at least he's in custody.

As for Stanford: From knighted Texas billionaire to hunted scamster — sounds like this potential Hollywood blockbuster (perfect for bailing out the ailing film industry) is writing itself.

Bloomberg's Alison Fitzgerald captures the flavor of the guy:

Hey, the guy is a fifth-generation Texan who's obsessed with polo and cricket, and his knighthood was conferred by Antigua, where he holds dual citizenship. I vote for shooting this film on location. But if you're critical of Stanford, you might not get much love from the government of Antigua and Barbuda, which has kissed Stanford's ass for years. See this 2003 government announcement:

They sure know to make a Texas boy feel good.

For now, at least, if you're in awe of his knighthood, you can deferentially call him the Earl of Lamstershire. And he can blame Bernie because, as the Wall Street Journal says, the red-faced SEC stepped up its probe into Stanford only after the Madoff scandal broke.

Meanwhile, in the other hemisphere, the Financial Times (U.K.) notes another huge problem for the ailing Swiss bank UBS:

That "deferred prosecution" refers to the bank, not to the bank's clients, so watch your mailbox for that letter from the DOJ.