Workplace-death Humor on the Rise

Philadelphia Inquirer staffers are maintaining a sense of humor about their bankrupt paper — even if their mood is getting darker and darker. The headline atop today's Jobbing column: "Prevent workplace deaths. Lay off workers."

The Inquirer is being drawn and quartered by various creditors, and its takeover by a real-estate mogul seems imminent. (Read the paper's own story here.) The Inquirer's already been shredded by layoffs, like almost every other paper. So if Jobbing columnist Jane Von Bergen's lead paragraph on a story abut workplace fatalities sounds a little breathless, maybe she just climbed down from a ledge:

Guess what?! Here's a great way to prevent death on the job. Lay off all the workers. Then they won't die at work! Wow, yesterday's U.S. Labor Department's annual report on workplace fatalities was a stunner as the number of workplace fatalities plunged, right along with number of people employed. Unless, of course, you had a job, but fell into enough despair to kill yourself. Workplace suicides rose to a series high of 251 in 2008.

The report and its accompanying statistical breakdowns indicate that no CEOs recently jumped off buildings or were shot to death in their corner offices.

G.I. Joe Captures Discovery Kids -- Rebranded Channel Will Be Like Disney, But With Rifles

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G.I. Joe and the rest of Hasbro finally inked a $300 million deal with the Discovery Channel for a joint venture that in effect rebrands Discovery Kids as purely an outlet for the toymaker's products, but under the guise of a cable channel.

Pushing product: It's kind of like the relationship that MSNBC already has with its parent, G.E. (Ask Keith Olbermann.)

The mind-boggling Hasbro/Discovery deal, aiming at those of you 14 and under, has been in the works for a few months, drawing heavy fire before G.I. Joe and My Little Pony trampled critics. Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood — good luck with that — had said of the deal:

"The planned network is the latest indication that the deregulation of children's television has been an unmitigated disaster for children and families; no longer do companies feel compelled to even pretend that their programming is beneficial for children or about anything but pushing product."

And push product it will. Very true that there's no pretense whatsoever. Hasbro President and CEO Brian Goldner says: "We look forward to creating fun, stimulating and educational content that will allow us to deliver all-new brand experiences to the young and 'young at heart' - anywhere and anytime they want."

Discovery's already making a profit, so it wasn't exactly forced into the deal. The rebranded network is scheduled to debut in late 2010.

Huge, costly bailout by panicky U.S. of panicky Pakistan in the offing

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Stun Valley: Swat's ski resort, where Pakistanis played -- until the Taliban torched it.

Grimmest news this morning from Pakistan, where the U.S. will very soon launch a giant offensive against the Taliban there and in neighboring Afghanistan that will drain billions of dollars from our recession-fucked economy.

Here's how Agence France Presse describes what's happening in the aptly named Swat Valley:

Pakistan's northwest was on Sunday reeling from a wave of violence as the toll from a car bomb rose and the army hit Taliban hideouts in an offensive that has sent a million civilians fleeing. The number killed in a devastating car bomb that hit the northwestern city of Peshawar on Saturday reached 12 after a teenage boy died overnight, a police official said, while 36 people have been reported wounded in the attack. The blast ripped through a packed street, leaving severed body parts on the road near an ice cream shop and an Internet cafe.

Many of the tide of refugees fleeing a punishing three-week military offensive in swathes of the North West Frontier Province had taken refuge from the bombardment in Peshawar, the provincial capital.

In case you're wondering, the Swat Valley is not some anus mundi place like western Iraq. No, it's a verdant, Colorado-looking area that wealthy Pakistanis used to flock to for vacations and skiing.

Well, they used to go to Malam Jabba to ski. Until the Taliban torched it last June.

For a broader — and scarier — view, check out Ahmed Rashid's "Pakistan on the Brink" in the latest New York Review of Books. Frightening for Americans and probably costly in lives and money in the near future, as Rashid points out:

American officials are in a concealed state of panic, as I observed during a recent visit to Washington at the time when 17,000 additional troops were being dispatched to Afghanistan. The Obama administration unveiled its new Afghan strategy on March 27, only to discover that Pakistan is the much larger security challenge, while US options there are far more limited.

Highly unstable Pakistan, by the way, has between 60 and 100 nuclear weapons, Rashid notes, and a rapidly growing anti-American sentiment among the general populace. Never mind that the Taliban are gobbling chunks of Pakistan as we speak.

Weapon against mass destruction: Obama's 'Charm Offensive' in London

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Are all the answers in Germany? Has the world changed that much in only 60 years? Yeah, maybe.

After all, America has a black president, and the whole world is in financial collapse.

Earlier today, I noted that the New York Times pointed to Adolf Hitler's success in using stimulus plans to spend Germany's way out of the Great Depression.

But now we're talking about 21st century Germany, where the German magazine Der Spiegel offers the best coverage so far of the G-20 summit in London.

And the best part may be "Leading Economists Speak out on G-20: 'I Doubt the US Is Serious'", wherein various experts — real ones, like Joseph Stiglitz, Harold James, and IMF economist Kenneth Rogoff — get more play than they usually get in the U.S. mainstream media. These are quick reads: paragraphs of quotes, with no exposition.

(It's not strictly correct to say that those experts get no play in the U.S., of course. The economic historian James has an excellent web-only piece, "Is China the New America?," in Foreign Policy. But then, Foreign Policy might as well be a foreign language for as much play its stories get in the mainstream media here.)

In Der Spiegel's massive but well-organized package, start with "Obama Goes on Charm Offensive in London," Carsten Volkery's shrewd piece that itself starts:

Diplomatic skill was the order of the day when Barack Obama made his first major appearance on the world stage. The US president arrived in London ahead of the G-20 summit to defuse conflicts, break down mistrust and revive contacts. And he still managed to look relaxed.

And as soothing as Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were blustery when it came to hooking up with European leaders other than Tony Blair. Volkery describes it:

Obama was careful to be diplomatic when presenting his own position, eager to avoid any hint of reproach. The US, he said, cannot reverse the economic collapse on its own. In the past, he continued, the world economy has depended too much on the insatiable appetite of US consumers. In the future, that will have to change.

But the key is how much of an advantage it is for the European press that they get to look at Obama from a remove: They tend to see what else is going on besides his charm. Volkery notes that for Obama, there's "more at stake than just the global economy." How could there be? Volkery explains:

The G-20 summit provided him a welcome opportunity to continue the process of reassembling the shards of trans-Atlantic diplomacy left behind by his predecessor. Mini-summits held on the G-20 sidelines were equally important in this regard. On Wednesday, he met with Russian President Dmitry Medvedev and Chinese President Hu Jintao for the first time. Relations with the two countries had suffered during George W. Bush's presidency. Obama, for his part, has for weeks been talking of a new beginning.

Now if you want to get to particulars of the global financial crisis itself, turn to Der Spiegel's Q&A with Stiglitz, "Government Stimulus Plans are 'Not Enough.'" Stiglitz's gloomy outlook — "It's going to be bad, very bad" — is at least spiced with lots of common sense, and the Q's are almost as interesting as the A's.

Meanwhile, the German mag's Andreas Lorenz stays in Beijing, from where he files "Held Hostage by a Weak Dollar: China Looks For Financial Freedom at G-20," a piece about China's "ideas for a radical shake-up of the international financial system." Good stuff from Lorenz:

The Chinese see the G-20 as a golden opportunity — politically, to finally establish themselves as an important player on the international stage, and economically, to demand a bigger role for itself and other developing nations. Just as in Mao's day, contemporary China sees itself as the voice for third-world victims of the West's "hegemonial powers."

Where at previous conferences they were happy to stay in the background, this time China's officials will try to set the tone. The chairman of Beijing's central bank Zhou Xiachuan has already demanded a new international reserve currency under the supervision of the International Monetary Fund (IMF).


Weapons market still making a killing

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Vehicular homicide: A humdinger of a Humvee for sale at the Middle East sales event, getting good play in the Algerian paper Ennahar.

Come to the Abu Dhabi arms fair in the United Arab Emirates and get your red-hot U.S.-made M-16 personal machine gun!

There's one place in the Middle East that is currently peaceful and in which traders are flush and enthusiastic: the region's biggest arms fair, IDEX 2009 in Abu Dhabi.

IDEX 2009 iis one of the few markets in the world in which money is freely flowing.

Despite that, the huge fair is getting practically no notice from the Western press.

The Arab world, on the other hand, is gung-ho. Media outlets like Algeria's Ennahar are running stories and pics featuring U.S.-made products.

Agence France Presse, in "Mideast's top arms show defies cash crunch," has details — this should restore your confidence that the world is still functioning:

The Middle East's biggest arms show opened on Sunday in Abu Dhabi, covering a larger area than ever in defiance of the global credit crisis that has hit the weapons-buying power of Gulf states.

From handheld stun and smoke grenades to fearsome armoured vehicles, a full range of deadly armaments is on display in the International Defence Exhibition and Conference on a site the size of around 15 football pitches.

Nearly 900 exhibitors from 50 countries are taking part in the biennial event which has expanded since the last time it was held, in 2007, with extra features including a newly-dredged area of quay for warships and naval craft.

The show, expected to attract some 45,000 trade visitors over five days, kicked off with a military display, including an aerial performance by UAE airforce Mirage and F-16 fighters.

Parts of the U.S. economy aren't so bad: We're still the largest arms exporter on the planet, though Brazil (of all places) is catching up.

The U.N., which sends peacekeeping missions around the globe, has no chance of stemming the arms trade, because, as Global Issues pointed out in November 2008:

Each year, around $45-60 billion worth of arms sales are agreed. Some two-thirds of sales are made to developing countries. The 5 permanent members of the UN Security Council (US, Russia, France, United Kingdom and China), together with Germany and Italy account for over 80% of the arms sold between 2000 and 2007.